As psychotherapists, we often rely on a foundational understanding of human behavior, communication, and problem-solving, much of which is subtly informed by what we call "common sense." But what happens when that very foundation, seemingly so universal, repeatedly fails our neurodivergent clients? When well-intentioned advice like "just try harder," "make eye contact," or "get organized" falls flat, or worse, causes distress, it’s not a failing on their part. It’s a signal that our "common sense" might be operating from a different rulebook altogether.
This isn’t about blaming anyone. It’s about recognizing a profound disconnect. Our neurotypical frameworks, while effective for many, can inadvertently pathologize or misunderstand neurodivergent experiences. Today, let’s peel back the layers on why traditional "common sense" often misses the mark and explore what truly creates a supportive, effective therapeutic environment for neurodivergent individuals.
The Neurotypical Lens of "Common Sense"
What exactly is "common sense"? Often, it’s an unspoken agreement on how the world works, how people should behave, and what constitutes a "reasonable" response. It’s built upon shared neurological processing, social cues, and developmental paths. For example, "just pay attention" assumes a neurotypical capacity for sustained, directed focus. "Everyone gets overwhelmed, just push through" minimizes genuine sensory overload or executive dysfunction.
When we apply these neurotypical norms to neurodivergent individuals—be it someone with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or Tourette’s—we’re essentially asking them to navigate a world built for a different operating system without providing the right manual. It’s no wonder they struggle, and it’s a critical challenge we must address in our practice. Are you sometimes missing the subtle signs you’re misunderstanding neurodivergent needs?
Executive Dysfunction: More Than "Lack of Willpower"
One of the most frequent areas where common sense clashes with neurodivergent reality is executive function. Planning, organizing, initiating tasks, managing time, regulating emotions, and shifting focus are skills many neurotypical individuals develop with relative ease. For neurodivergent people, these functions can be inherently challenging, not due to laziness or lack of motivation, but due to neurological differences in brain wiring.
Imagine telling someone with a broken leg to "just walk faster." It sounds absurd. Yet, we often implicitly tell clients with executive dysfunction to "just get started," "just remember that," or "just manage your time better." This isn’t helpful; it’s invalidating. Instead, understanding the neurology behind these challenges allows us to develop practical, supportive strategies that don’t rely on brute-force willpower. There’s a strong connection between time management and reduced anxiety, but it requires appropriate tools and strategies for those with executive function challenges.
Sensory Processing: A Different Reality
What feels neutral or even pleasant to one person can be agonizing to another. For many neurodivergent individuals, sensory input—sounds, lights, textures, smells—is processed with heightened intensity or diminished registration. "Common sense" dictates that a quiet office is calming, or a buzzing fluorescent light is just "background noise." But for someone with sensory sensitivities, these seemingly benign elements can create overwhelming distraction, anxiety, or even physical pain.
Ignoring or dismissing these sensory experiences (“you’re being too sensitive”) is deeply damaging. Our therapeutic spaces, our communication styles, and the advice we offer must be informed by an understanding of diverse sensory profiles. Crafting inclusive spaces for neurodivergent thriving begins with acknowledging and accommodating these differences.
Social Communication: Beyond "Reading the Room"
"Common sense" social rules are often implicit, subtle, and learned through observation and osmosis. We expect people to "read between the lines," understand sarcasm, interpret body language, and engage in reciprocal conversational dance. For many neurodivergent individuals, particularly those on the autism spectrum, these unspoken rules are a baffling enigma.
Their communication might be more direct, their body language different, their interpretations literal. Asking them to "just pick up on social cues" without explicit guidance is like asking someone to learn a new language by just listening to it once. Instead, our role involves helping clients understand these codes explicitly, and equally importantly, advocating for their right to communicate in ways that are authentic to them. Learning how to bridge the neurodiversity communication gap is paramount to effective therapy.
What Truly Works: A Neuro-Affirming Approach
Moving beyond the limitations of "common sense" requires a shift to a neuro-affirming paradigm. This isn’t about "fixing" neurodivergent people to fit neurotypical norms, but about understanding and celebrating neurological diversity, and providing support tailored to individual needs. So, what truly works?
- Individualized Strategies: There is no one-size-fits-all approach. What helps one neurodivergent client might not help another. Listen deeply to their unique experiences and co-create solutions.
- Explicit Communication: Be clear, direct, and unambiguous in your language. Avoid metaphors, idioms, or implied meanings that might be confusing.
- Environmental Accommodations: Offer a sensory-friendly therapeutic space. Think about lighting, sound, seating, and even aromatherapy. Consider tools like a silent timer to help with transitions or focus without adding auditory clutter.
- Tools & Supports: Embrace practical tools. Visual schedules, checklists, fidget devices, and noise-canceling headphones aren’t crutches; they are vital accommodations that facilitate function and reduce overwhelm. Did you know the unexpected power of fidget devices, or why every adult should have a fidget device?
- Validate and Empathize: Acknowledge their lived experience as real and valid. "I understand that this is genuinely overwhelming for you" goes much further than "just calm down." This aligns with debunking mental health myths that can hinder progress.
- Strengths-Based Approach: Focus on their unique strengths, perspectives, and talents, rather than solely on perceived deficits.
Conclusion
The journey from "common sense" to neuro-affirming practice is one of profound growth and insight for psychotherapists. It challenges us to question our assumptions, expand our understanding of human experience, and ultimately, to become more effective, compassionate, and inclusive practitioners. By letting go of the outdated notion that one set of "common sense" rules applies to everyone, we open the door to truly personalized and impactful therapy that honors the unique wiring of every individual. Ready to deepen your therapeutic toolkit? Explore the varied approaches to understanding Mind Matters: The Big Three Therapies, Explained, and beyond, to better serve your diverse clientele.
Embrace this shift. Your neurodivergent clients, and your practice, will undoubtedly thrive.
